Are you a joiner? For a long time, I wasn’t. And that was a mistake. For too long my default was to stand back, watching from the sidelines. But then it’s not that simple an equation. If your temperament is on the more reserved or quiet side, throwing yourself into a new social or group situation is not a natural move. It has to be learnt. Or, to borrow a phrase, you have to lean into it. Drag yourself forward and then slowly adapt to be readier to embrace new opportunities without waiting to be encouraged or cajoled into action.
After all, it’s no good wasting time worrying about potential embarrassment or rejection. Nobody’s thinking about you anyway (oh, the hardest lesson 🙂); they’re thinking about themselves.
Over time I’ve learned to relax and be much more proactive, in both social and work contexts. This has been partly out of necessity – if you’re working for yourself there really is no alternative other than to take a deep breath and go for it. And, after all, what’s the worst that can happen?
When/if rejection happens, as it surely will along the way, you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go again, learning each time to be that bit better – and more resilient. There was a powerful presentation on this by Rebecca Leppard at You Are The Media Creator Day last week.
At times life can take chunks out of us all, maybe even have to start all over again from the bottom, but as Rebecca says (speaking from a place of experience):
“Remember, others have the option to reject you, but you can pick yourself every time.”
You Are The Media
So, yes. You Are The Media (YATM for short). Which has grown from a solo labour of love (and hope) newsletter some ten years ago into a remarkable and supportive community that combines ideas, imagination, learning and fun in ever new and inclusive ways, online and in person. It’s where I’m joining in most these days.
Led by the irrepressible Mark Masters, YATM has grown over the years and the members have grown with it. If there’s one thing YATM stands for it’s choosing yourself – which, after all, fundamentally means joining in. And when we join in we learn more and grow as people.
YATM combines shared learning and shared laughter in a remarkable way, one I haven’t come across before. Read this post from Matt King for a vivid sense of what You Are The Media and Creator Day are all about. And read about YATM here.
Joining in
’ story at Creator Day perfectly illustrated the journey of the hesitant joiner-in. Having talked himself into going to his first YATM event some years ago he arrived, only to find he couldn’t find a way in to the venue. With a sense of relief (recognise it?), he turned to head back home. Just then another attendee arrived, pushed hard on the unlikely looking blank door in front of them, and they were in. Too late to duck out. Liam’s been stepping up and joining in ever since.I suspect years ago I convinced myself (conveniently) it was cool to stand apart, be one of those on the sidelines, not joining in, not committing. Being somewhere ‘comfortable’ and unthreatening, even if ultimately unrewarding and unsatisfying.
But it’s never cool; not joining in just means you don’t get to participate and really belong. And, with a hat tip to Shelley Rostlund’s inspiring Creator Day talk, the opportunity to: ‘Be more you, more of the time.’
The last word to Mark Masters:
Our work and our lives were never about standing alone, it’s about standing together, united in purpose and bound by the values we share.’
With thanks to @inkypix4u and @StudioShotz for permission to use their images. Find them on Instagram.
Thanks again for including me in this edition Westrow. It was Timo Peach who let me in to the building. I have him to thank for the whole YATM adventure.